The latest milestone - one year in Broome and a year and a half of living in Australia! Moving here last September, I knew that this year was going to be challenging. Logistically, establishing a YWAM base, adjusting to a new way of life, building long-lasting connections throughout the Kimberley, and co-curating a culture is no simple feat. However, I knew that I would be in an environment that would allow me daily opportunities to grow. I was banking on God extending the grace that I would be needing.
As a person that genuinely loves to find ways to celebrate, I felt out-of-character when the first anniversary of YWAM Broome just came and passed by. My mental state on that particular day was, "I survived." Do I wish I felt more enthusiastic and light-hearted? Absolutely. However, I aim to communicate authentically. I believe that to grow further, there needs to be healing, and a step a part of that is honesty. Lately, I've been made more aware of how frequently I downplay what I have experienced, along with my thoughts and emotions for the comfort of others. All this to say, it has not been a cakewalk.
I think that living with this 'just push through' mentally is what has brought me to this place of feeling burnt out. Maybe it started with me stating, “I don’t ever want to go more than one year without seeing my family.” To me, plans act as checkpoints, helping me feel like I’m on the right track. But here I am, having just submitted a new Australian visa application for up to twelve months. I had been telling myself, “Just a little while longer,” but that statement began to feel like a dangling carrot. If I am, to be honest with myself, I believe I've been living most of my life like this.
I am reminded of an afternoon during a ministry trip up in the East Kimberley. We went out with some mates of ours on their boat during an afternoon off. During this time, I decided that it would be fun to hop onto the biscuit with a friend for the sake of some youthful nostalgia. Perhaps it was my knowledge of the crocodiles in the water, but I have never so desperately hung on to something before. After withstanding the thrill of being tossed around for some time, the boat started to do some donuts. That was it. I had held on with all my might until I could no longer. I was thrown off and flipped over. I scooted across the Ord River like a turtle. I think this is a visual for what my journey of holding onto positive thinking has felt like. With some different circumstances over the last while, it's as if I've been thrown off. In God's kindness, His grace has caught me and has guided me along. In the midst of my 'flying off' moments, I've heard Him whisper, "I am here." That right there is why I choose to hope again. I have this assurance, this faith, that He has been there all along and will continue to be.
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life." - Proverbs 13:12
Restful blessings
Something that we have discussed as a team is the importance of living sustainably. The impact of how we go individually amplifies by being a part of a highly empathetic group that works and lives together. I am learning how important rest is for longevity. Rest can come in different forms. So together, we shared about what things deplete and restore us. It was amusing to hear the opposed responses from the introverts and the extroverts. We also did a rest test. Here are the rest categories: mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, social, sensory, and creative. I scored high in four of these. Unfortunately, this scoring functions like golf, so the larger the number, the greater need for a change. I want to be okay, which is requiring some belief reconstruction so that I can have more grace towards myself.
"In unhealthy cultures, people see rest as taking your foot off the gas pedal. You don't stop until you've pushed yourself to the brink of exhaustion.
In healthy cultures, people see rest as a vital source of fuel. You take regular breaks to maintain energy and avoid burnout."
Adam Grant
Outreaches
The dry season was full-on! As a team, we took turns going on multiple trips to several towns and communities. We worked with various schools, churches, other YWAM teams, and helped facilitate a few youth programs. A fond memory was being out in a community and going on rounds to pick up people. With the window rolled down, I sang out (not literal singing), inviting others along and giving a ride. It was heart-filling to see a trail of kids running behind us to join in for a Bible study. Another highlight was creating three seminars on friendship, leadership, and conflict resolution that we delivered at two separate schools. Outside of the classroom setting, I got to help facilitate the shot-put station at the annual sports carnival. It was one of those days that I felt in my element, giving pointers and encouraging kids as they stepped into the circle. Looking back through my photos and journal made me realize how many things I had the chance to dabble in (classic YWAM experience).
After a bustling season of outreaches, driving to and fro throughout the Kimberley, I was able to take a holiday. It had been something I desperately needed, but my stress levels were too high to organize one. My friend and leader, Heather, met me where I was. One morning she called me over and on her laptop were open tabs with flight and accommodation options. I booked a trip to Perth. Two days after, I flew out of Broome!
Pure joy
Upon arrival, I was brought under the wing of some dear friends. From whipping up a delicious mid-day brekkie with coffee to lending me some slippers so I could bundle up and read poetry out on their balcony, I felt so cared for. The following morning we were able to venture to a bakery together and indulge in some donut tasting. After a cheeky chauffeur drop-off, they handed me a gift to open once I had got settled into my hotel room. Their abundant kindness exuded pureness, which felt like the pursuing love of God. Having that time with them was incredibly precious and set the grace-filled tone for the rest of my holiday.
Each day that came, I had this sense of hope for what Papa had in store. My eyes were open, taking notice of the intricate details of the surrounding architecture. I could sit at a café working on a sudoku puzzle and look up to watch as people hurried throughout their day. For me, there was no rush or any task I was responsible for completing. The pressure was off, allowing me to just be, acknowledge thoughts as they came and went, and be led wherever I felt an inkling to go. It was so beneficial for my mental health. Stepping into a fresh environment for five nights was like pressing a reset button.
Holiday
While in Perth, I concluded that when offered the opportunity to rest, I would take it. When I came back, I jumped into the thick of things. We had to pack and clean out the house as our lease was up. We still hadn't been accepted for a place yet. However, we were graciously invited to stay with a couple of generous families, giving us a roof over our heads. God's provision is incredible! After a few moves over a month, one of our housing applications got accepted. Woo! I think we all were feeling a bit tuckered out after settling in, but so grateful to have a home. Following a chat acknowledging all of our untouched holiday time and encouraging taking some out of the bank, most of us made plans. I wrestled a bit with it, but then I remembered what I felt God teaching me before about taking rest. This December, I will be making my way down to Perth again, but this time for a week! I am embracing the increasing excitement for what is to come.
In the last fourteen months of living here, I have been an ear to listen to the trauma that many have endured. I have looked for warning signs and also have asked questions. I empathized with and have offered mental health support. According to a 2018 report, if the Kimberley were a nation, it would have the highest suicide rate on the globe. God’s heart is for healing and restoration. With this, I recognize that my job, if you will, is to do my best to listen and obey Him, leading me to love others. I have hope that there will be a change to these statistics. I’m comforted knowing that the weight isn’t on my shoulders, but thankful to know that what we do does make a difference.
“If you are tired from carrying heavy burdens, come to me and I will give you rest. Take the yoke I give you. Put it on your shoulders and learn from me. I am gentle and humble, and you will find rest. This yoke is easy to bear, and this burden is light.” - Matthew 11:28-30
With all of this said, I've sought extra support. One of the ways I have received this is through the professional help of a counsellor. Being able to unpack and process what I encounter and work through my mental health struggles has been a huge relief. I think the easiest way to put it is that I was in a prolonged state of stress, causing regular day-to-day tasks to feel deeply overwhelming. I'm thankful for the continued opportunity to be moving towards healing, rather than away from it.
About two and a smidge years ago, I was reflecting on who I was. I thought about the future and envisioned the woman I thought I would be. To become her, I needed to make choices to get there. The trajectory of my character needed to be altered. That is when I decided that I would develop a daily habit of setting aside time to read my Bible. It did not matter how busy the day was going to be, or how little I felt like it; if having a connection with God was something I truly valued, then my actions needed to align. I'm thankful for the ways He keeps reminding me, "I am here," building my faith and dependence on Him. The practice of drawing close to God is what has sustained me.
Custard Horn - Guildford Town Bakery {Guildford, Perth}A sunshine-filled Sunday morning outing for donuts and coffee with friends - what a delight. For whatever reason, I had never even heard of one of these. They are the best sellers at this bakery, and after sharing one, I can see why. 9/10 for the donut cone stuffed with creamy goodness.